My Great Aunt Gert was widowed after being happily married to the same husband – my Great Uncle Bob – for more than 50 years. She remarried at age 83 to a man, my Great Uncle John, who was 85. They had 10 good years together before he died at the ripe old age of 95. Their “gray marriage” was a rarity 30 years ago.
So was gray divorce – but it’s on the rise today. Not everyone has the happy ending Gert had. She had one long, happy marriage followed by another.
In the last five years, I have seen more long-term marriages end than ever before. It’s actually a global phenomenon. Most divorces still happen to couples in their 30s and 40s, but more couples in their 50s and 60s – who have been married for 25 years and up – are deciding to split these days.
Their concerns are different than younger couples who divorce. In a more typical divorce, the partners are concerned with the young kids – assuming there are any – being OK. In gray divorce, partners have often accumulated more substantial assets, so there’s more to be divided. There are older kids, possibly grandchildren. There are more stakeholders.
Sometimes, it’s becoming an empty nester that’s the impetus for the split. The kids are 18 or over and gone. And the couple find they’ve grown apart. Sometimes it’s the children who – maybe even unwittingly – have kept their parents together.
No matter what age the kids are, they still need to be taken into consideration. If they’re in college, the soon-to-be-exes must figure out if college tuition and expenses will be split and if so, how. When the grown children get married, will Mom and Dad still fund the wedding or a portion of it? How?
If there are grandchildren, the uncoupling couple may be paying for private school tuition, summer camps, music lessons. Will Grandma and Grandpa keep paying for those things? And if so, how will those expenses be paid?
In gray divorces, there can be a lot of intertwined interests that have to be unraveled and divided. Vacation homes. Rental property. A family business. Family foundations. I know former couples who continue to operate as business partners or jointly oversee a foundation and its assets. Still others continue to share vacation homes. Just not at the same time – unless it’s an unusually amicable split.
For anyone considering getting out of a long-term marriage, here are a few points to keep in mind.
Divide and conquer
Have you and your soon-to-be-ex shared the same financial planner and estate planning attorney? Probably. Now, you each must have your own set of advisers. It’…….
